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Live Journal Thank You for Allowing Me To Waist Precious Time and Use Caps For No Reason. Oct. 10th, 2014 @ 09:31 pm
Well I'm hard core stalling on doing my homework I've been sitting at this desk for most of the day and haven't touched pencil to paper yet, nor have i etched a single sliver of the wood cut i'm painfully using as an arm rest. Why you may ask am i sabataging myself yet again. Well iv'e got this terrible case of what i can only call artist anxiety. I play this game every week with myself where i stall all weekend until Sunday then I try to cram a million tons of work in a few hours then cry myself to sleep and then Monday I stay up all night trying but failing to get it done only to walk around like a zombie in class Tuesday and look like a crappy lazy douche-bag to all my teachers. Ugh Maybe i should just suck it up and draw for 2 hrs then go to bed.

FYI Jim Condron is super cute. I spend way to much time staring at his perfect little nose. You should see it, so sharp and sculpted. Even has a flat little tip. Why the hell have I fallen in love with a mans nose? I might be going nuts here. I just want to touch it so bad. That's a lie I want to lick it but at first I was thinking that's too gross but who the hell reads this anyway.

Just want to remember this song forever. May. 4th, 2013 @ 01:47 pm
I found the most beautiful song Ive ever herd on the Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1 soundtrack. I just want to remember it forever. I not thinking I'll ever be married but I do then I want this song to play at my wedding. Its just what Id want the love of my life to say to me. The perfect words.

Written by: Ryan O'Neal (Sleeping At Last)
I've waited a hundred years.
But I'd wait a million more for you.
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do.

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch,
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush,
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough,
I would have known what I was living for all along. What I've been living for.

Your love is my turning page,
Where only the sweetest words remain.
Every kiss is a cursive line,
Every touch is a redefining phrase.

I surrender who I've been for who you are,
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart.
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours,
Well, I would have known what I've been living for all along.
What I've been living for.

Though we're tethered to the story we must tell,
When I saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well.
With a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas.
Like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.

Current Disposition: worriedworried
Rockin': Linkin Park Leave out all the rest.

I am a collosal failure Feb. 19th, 2013 @ 05:28 am
This is week two of me not completing my assingment. I will be humilated in class today when i have to show this huge hunk of shit to eveyone. She gonna hate me and i deserve it. I was lazy all day saturday and I really could have worked on it wed thur and friday too but i was to busy atching tv and reading. Now i stuck looking like a ass hole in class tonight. Did i mention ive only slept an hour tonight and i have to get dresses for work in humm20 mins ahh. Yup I hate me right now. I wish I could just call out of work but everyones gonna know im not sick and this is why im calling out. Ive dug my hole now I must lie in it. I wanna cry but my eyes are too dry. In why do i still have the urge to watch supernatural instead of sleeping grrr. Im useless.
Current Disposition: aggravatedaggravated

Well New Years Resolutions Time Jan. 12th, 2013 @ 03:32 pm
1. No Cookies, Cake, Donuts, Pastrys, Chips, Doritos, Except wheat or baked.

2. Complete all the requiremnts for my painting IV class.

3. Exercise at least 3 times a week.

4. Lose 50lbs!

5. Read 4 Books.

6. Prepare a portfolio for MICA by next fall.

7. Use my sketch book often to explore and document my idas for future use and for my portfolio.

8. Save 2,000 in my savings account.

Its actually been 12 days since Ive started seeking my goals. Ive lost 3 lbs so far but forcing myself to exercise 3 times a week was hard this week. I kept finding excuses. I havent eaten and of my banned foods woohoo! I thing ive for the most part getting past the urges. I need to focus on portion size now.
Current Disposition: calmcalm
Rockin': tv

Have you put all your eggs in the wrong basket? Oct. 3rd, 2012 @ 09:00 pm
I wish I could tell my parents that i believe they have put all their eggs in the (i)wrong(/i) basket. As in spending nearly every cent they have to put my younger sister through college and NOT a red dime to help me. I think that was a pretty big lapse in judgement since she's in her fourth year and still cant manage to do much of anything on her own. And she has no plans at all for taking care of them in the future. Im not sure she can even handle a 9 to 5 without getting a headache. Me on the other hand if they would have cared about me a quarter of what they cared about her. I'd be making them proud already. My success would have pushed the rest of us further and we'd all be better off now. BUT WERE NOT, we are sad depressed failures who hold each other back without even realising it. If i dont get the hell out of here soon I'll die and invisible walking disaster.

Im sorry this is so wrong of me but so true to me at the same time. I post this in hopes that the right person reads it and hears my warning. DONT play favorites with your children. Love and push them all with the same fury. The meek may be the lion in disguise.

This message will truly hurt some so i'm only leaving it up for a little while in hope again the right person reads it. To prevent some other family undue heartache.
Current Disposition: disappointeddisappointed

Writer's Block: Back to the Future Mar. 12th, 2012 @ 12:06 am
Given the choice of time travel, would you go back in time or forward?

I would definatly go back in time. I dont really want to see my future the chance of finding out bad news scares me.
Anyway I would choose to go back in time revisit some points in my life possibly change some decisions if possible. If that wasent an option than I like to learn from and outsiders point of view about myself so that I can take the knowlege with me to the present so that I can better my self. Either way I just want to make my current life better or easier.

Writer's Block: TMI Mar. 11th, 2012 @ 11:57 pm
What is the strangest thing someone has confessed to you?

A girl I once knew told me she had a skin tab removed from her Vagina. Id never herd of such a thing. I hope I didnt make a wierd face when she told me. I dont think I did. Its not gross or anything, just odd I keep wondering what something like that looks like.

Writer's Block: Dear God Mar. 11th, 2012 @ 11:53 pm
If you could ask God one question, what would it be?

I would ask God "exactly what can I do to make you the happiest?"

Writer's Block: Party of Five Mar. 11th, 2012 @ 11:39 pm
If you could invite four people-living or dead- to a dinner party, who would they be?

Gustav Klimt, Jason Mraz, Fiona Apple, Micheal Shapcott. I have others Id like to invite but i think this group would make a good mix. Since Kimt is dead I get to choose his age and il like him to me in his mis to late 30s at my party.
Current Disposition: amusedamused

Writer's Block: Do Not Forget Mar. 11th, 2012 @ 11:00 pm
What do you never leave home without?

My covergirl lipgloss/stick its clear ok. Its my favorite chapstick. Ive been using it for like 10 years or something close to that. I have the all over the place in case I loose it. I wish my item had more meaning than cracked lip protection. Like Shakespeares sonnets, dead grandma's locket or a wedding band but I havent lived the life to hold anything so dear...yet
Current Disposition: contemplativecontemplative
Rockin': Beastly
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