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Today was about Givers and Takers. Which are you? Mar. 11th, 2012 @ 10:47 pm
What a hectic day. Prime example of why my mother always has this weathered crabby look on her face. Takers all takers. She spends the better part of everyday even today her birthday doing shit for everyone else. And whenever she can spare a moment to herself she's stuck worrying about the next problem she'll have to solve for someone else. It's entirely miserable and I can already see thats the life path I'm heading towards. But Ive decided right now and today that im not going to do it. The chain stops here my life is my own and Im going to take the steps neccessary to be free.

On a happier note I found a beautiful poem i'd like to share.

Hav­ing a Coke with You

BY Frank O’Hara

is even more fun than going to San Sebas­t­ian, Irún, Hen­daye, Biar­ritz, Bay­onne
or being sick to my stom­ach on the Trav­es­era de Gra­cia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a bet­ter hap­pier St. Sebas­t­ian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the flu­o­res­cent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before peo­ple and stat­u­ary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be any­thing as still
as solemn as unpleas­antly defin­i­tive as stat­u­ary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drift­ing back and forth
between each other like a tree breath­ing through its spectacles

and the por­trait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you sud­denly won­der why in the world any­one ever did them
I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the por­traits in the world
except pos­si­bly for the Pol­ish Rider occa­sion­ally and any­way it’s in the Frick
which thank heav­ens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beau­ti­fully more or less takes care of Futur­ism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descend­ing a Stair­case or
at a rehearsal a sin­gle draw­ing of Leonardo or Michelan­gelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impres­sion­ists do them
when they never got the right per­son to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that mat­ter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as care­fully
as the horse
it seems they were all cheated of some mar­vel­lous expe­ri­ence
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I’m telling you about it
Current Disposition: aggravatedaggravated
Rockin': Beastly

Jun. 11th, 2011 @ 12:06 pm
it was kinda silly of me to even imagine things working out so well. I mean since when have they ever. But i went to church last sunday which always gives me perspective an on top of that i read a story with a underlying message about God and how tragedy isnt really happening to you its for you. And its not even just you the world is wide and far more people than i can even imagine are effected by the things that happen in my life good and bad. Something good will come of this disapointment if not for me then someone else.

I painted a pretty pear the otherday maybe ill finish it an post it later.
Current Disposition: calmcalm
Rockin': the fan

Highlight of my day! May. 19th, 2011 @ 11:25 pm

Failblog just kills me sometimes.
Havent been on in a while. Life is hard work makes you too buzy to do cool stuff like complain online. Grr.

Found out taking back sunday is coming to town. Im sad cause i dont have anyone who likes them to go with. Am i the last hold out TBS fan? Can you even go to a show like that alone? I guess no one would actually notice I was alone but Id still feel umm unsafe I guess. Sure its unlikely anyone would like mess with me but If im going I want to be pretty close to the front and when your in the pit and a chick you absolutly need a budy. Not cause i think anyone will like attack me but in case i get kicked in the head again or the puching gets too rough i need a back up so I guess i cant go boo. Well I could ask Jay.... Ugh too complicated.

Sondre Lerche is also playing this summer at the 9:30 club. I love that place and I really do love me some sondre I might actually go to that one. Wow it would be pretty great to see him again. Memories.

My dads pretty bad off and my mom still doesnt have a job. It all seems hopeless but im still hopeful. Ok off to bed.
Current Disposition: contemplativecontemplative
Rockin': Sondre Lerche~ Sleep On Needles

Writer's Block: How old is too old? Nov. 28th, 2010 @ 03:59 pm
Are you ever too old to go trick-or-treating? Is candy for everyone?

Id say 16 but Graduation is the absolute limit.

Writer's Block: It's the thought that counts Nov. 28th, 2010 @ 03:57 pm
Do you find holiday gift-giving more pleasurable or onerous?

I love buying presents. Its my favorite thing to do really. I love trying to find the perfect thing for everyone. I wish it could be my job to be honest. But Im really bad at recieving gifts. Id rather people just not give them to me they never make me feel as happy as giving one does. I guess I just havent recieved the perfect gift. Wait no thats not true Ive gotten some amazing gift coached but still they were awesome, i think th problem is the thrill wears off to quick.

Writer's Block: Ten minutes in heaven Aug. 15th, 2010 @ 02:00 pm
If you could have 10 minutes alone with anyone in the world where you could do or say whatever you wanted without consequences, who would you choose and what would you do?

Im have to be honest and say the first thought in my mind was sex, but 10 minutes is a really small amount of time an I just couldnt do it. Not much you can do in ten mins. Ok so Ive becided I'd makeout with someone. Im pretty torn about who though. Jason Mraz I love him and would love to just know him is 10 min of making out really what I want from him? It feels to cheep I like him too much. So I guess he's outWho would be a better kisser JGL or Liev Schreiber. This is really hard but Im going with Liev. After reading this its a pretty silly answer Im sure I should be saving the world or meeting God But I choose making out with a random man I dont even know. Eh He's really hot and the perfect amount of hard an soft of that makes sense. Just pure Man
Rockin': Joss Stone 4 & 20

Writer's Block: Capital offense Aug. 15th, 2010 @ 01:37 pm
What is your opinion of the death penalty? How important is this issue in deciding which political candidates you support?

I dont believe any human has the right to decide if another should die. Thats up to God to decide. As for political candidates I cant honestly say I have ever look into wheather or not they suppoted or opposed the matter. I guess it hasent been very high on my subconcious.
Rockin': Taking Back Sunday~ Slow Dance On The Inside

Writer's Block: Happy happy joy joy Aug. 15th, 2010 @ 01:23 pm
What cheers you up the most when life gets you down?

I read alot probably everyday. Just forgetting about my problem and loosing myself in someone elses fantasy world is a blessing to me. That actually is my perfect day off. Aside from making out of course.
Rockin': Gwen Swefani ~ Now that you got it

Wah! I wanna go to Artscape Jul. 17th, 2010 @ 09:45 am
Ive been planning on going to Artscape for a month damnit. So of course this week the baby Shanika, and my mom all get sick. I'm so freakin sad. I've never been to Artscape and they promised. Shanika is willing to go but she has the baby and its going to be like 97 degrees out and I'd feel really bad about her dragging the baby around in the heat. And my mom clearly just doesnt want to go and i'm just so so sad. I have no idea how to get their myself I don't even know how to take the bus or ride the light rail isnt that pathetic! Wah Wah Wah im sooooo uber depressed now.

Did I mention I have a Gallery review paper due Thursday and I really wanted to go to Artscape so I could do my reviews on some art while having fun. I'm not sure what I will do now. I cant do anything Monday because I have to work then babysit. Tuesday I have class after work. So Wednesday is the only day. But its also the last day I have to finish up my projects for class so I really need to be in the studio after work. Ugh I need to do this today and I'm so angry that my plans have been ruined. Maybe they will go with me Sunday?
Current Disposition: crushedcrushed
Rockin': Fan blowing in my freakin ear

My Birthday was mellow an sweeeeeet! Jun. 13th, 2010 @ 10:41 am
I had a lovely birthday on Friday. It was beautiful. Even though I didn't want to wake up early sweet baby woke me up with all the sweet enthusiasm a 10 month old wild child could muster and I was happy to see her smiling face jumping on my bed. Since I could sleep after that I woke up ate with Danni an watched The Day After Tomorrow which I love and then like 5 episodes of My So Called Life with Danielle which was so awesome because I know she's not into doing nice things for other people she would much rather do her own thing but she gave me the gift of her time which was much more special to me than any present. We had chinese food which I was happily allowed to pay for and watched Avatar or the big screen Yay love that movie. They gave me presents which I specifically asked them NOT to do. I only wanted them to give to someone in need that's all I wanted. I even listed a few charities that I liked. After my mom bitched me out because "I don't get to tell people what they can give me on my birthday they have the right to give just like I do" I felt really guilty so I took the gifts with a smile on my face but It was just way too much money wasted.
My crazy expensive birthday gifts:
$50 Amazon gift card
$50 Torrid
15 Itunes
$40 from my Dad
DOMO DVD set from my brother.
Wallet that I probably wont use.
Donation of 25 bowls of dog food to the ASPCA (The Best Gift)

And to top off my awesome day I gave $25 dollars to the http://www.smiletrain.org/site/PageServer

It was a good day, weekend, and week. Thank God for vacation time.

Now I must get my sketches done for ceramics on tuesday cause I know I wont have time any other day.
Current Disposition: contentcontent
Rockin': The Baby Monitor
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